Monday, December 05, 2005

Dress them up in your love

Dear Marc, the holidays are just around the corner, so I thought we'd might discuss gifts today.

I think the following women are worthy of a lovely Marc Jacobs seasonal gift, be it a Christmas gift, Kwanzaa celebratory token or Hanukkah offering. If they're Muslim, I think you just missed Ramadan. But who wouldn't like a gift or two?

I have made a list of ladies who I think deserve encouragement because they are simply more interesting than others.

Ruth Reichl
After wearing all those disguises I think Ruth is more than worthy of a dignified wardrobe. You don't have to buy it for her, but if you did I'm sure she'd take you to the best restaurant in town. I think it may be her own kitchen. I love Ruth's writing. Now that I've read all of her books, I feel beside myself. Ruthless. Not good.

Amanda Peet
Amanda looks the way I feel I should. Every time I look in the mirror, I'm surprised to see a short Swede staring back at me. I can't take my eyes off Amanda. So watchable! Talented and funny. Comes equipped with cute date with big scarf.

Missy Elliot

We all love Missy. You must too. Perhaps if you send her a little something she can teach us how to dance? Missy, I don't own a thing you would like. But perhaps I could interest you in some brandy mustard? It's delicious with your 1-minute ham.

What do you give someone who's got everything? Brains, looks, money, the color purple, success, newfound friendship with Letterman and speed dial to Dr Phil? I think you should give her a new line! Marc Jacobs for Oprah. Sure beats Harpo. Think she's happy with that brandname? Like Lorac? How about you going for Cram? I think a new brand might be the only thing that lady needs. In the entire world. Oprah, if you're reading this, I want that 20th anniversary box where you look happy and just a little bit crazy. Don't let those angels throw dust in your eyes.

Eva Mendez

I saw Hitch the other day. Now I love Eva too, like everyone else. Don't miss out on the credits, where Eva lets us see her true colors, in a wonderful, fantastic, not-to-be-missed-for-anything dance. Yeah, she danced with Will Smith who I usually love, but who can look at Will when Eva's dancing next to him? She'll be a dancing billboard for you!
When I see Eva I'm also reminded that I need to buy more of those amazing pantyhose they make these days. My favorite kind boasts of its "shock-up, Brazilian effect". Do you offer this kind of masterpiece, the crown of modern engineering?

Must go to bed,
sweet dreams from

ps. that top picture comes from a lady who really loves her shirley temple dolls. She's not the only one, Temple doll collectors have conventions every other year. There will be one next year, wanna go?


Emma said...

I just wanted to say that I adore your blog. And I lobe reading it.

I'll hope Marc will read this some day. He would be happy.

Anonymous said...

Of course it should be love, not lobe. Silly me

-e said...

thankyou! love is in the lobe too!

plumb dumb said...

i lobe your blog too.
c. in canada

MondayMonkey said...

Your blog is a bright spot in my day. Clever, witty, with just enough smart-assedness to keep it real.

Now, to make this an official blog comment I need to plug a hair replacement product or a credit repair service, eh?