Friday, March 02, 2007

The verdict is in

Dear Marc, would you like to see a little bit of my skeleton?

Great, here you are:

The image to the right is a colour drawing of my foot. The only thing missing in this picture is a twin bunion on the other side of the foot, placed in the middle of the small toe.

As you can imagine, having double bunions on already wide feet presents me with immense shoe problems. I was looking forward to surgery, dreaming about little stilettoes, Jimmy Choo miracles made of nothing but gold thread and perhaps a few sparkling stones and a little smiling cameo face of Tamara Mellon inserted into the heel, but those dreams were crushed yesterday.

I went to see a podiatrist who told me surgery was only a great option if I could not take two steps without experiencing the worst of pains.

She also told me that since I do not hurt barefoot, "your shoes are the problem, not your feet".
This leaves me with the rest of a very long future, the rest of my life, in comfortable and therefore ugly shoes.


Why are we, the already handicapped, left to wear shoes that would only make a hairy hobbit happy?

Shocked by the news of my future, I went into overdrive and bought two pairs of very unflattering but anatomically correct trainers for many more pounds that I can afford. I wil return them tomorrow.

Between Darfur, the environment crisis and your president's plans for Irak, the state of my feet is a very minor issue for you to ponder, Im sure. But I'm not alone! There is money to be made from our growing bunions! You could take our cash and give it to the charity of your choice.

Then, bunions would finally be a source of not just pain, misery and grief, but also of new hope. You could make that difference.

Ps. This letter is not only for your eyes, Marc. Manolo, if you're reading, Stella, Christian L, Yves and Miuccia, if you feel like giving it a try - do go ahead. I'm not picky.


My Marrakech said...

Oh, I am so sorry. I so wish I were a talented shoe designer right now. I would make you the most beautiful pair of comfortable shoes that you have ever seen. The kind of shoes that would be so gorgeous that everyone would assume that they were terribly uncomfortable but then be shocked to find out that they felt like slippers. Rats. Wish I had some talent:-(

Anonymous said...

dearest e, i too suffer from this wretched affliction as it also runs in my family. my sister and i never use the "b" word, preferring to obliquely refer to "the thing," as in, "i wore my new heels at the office today and the thing is killing me!" just had to let you know it's okay to cry over missed shoe opportunities. here's hoping you can still wear your gorgeous boots.

Anonymous said...

Amen! I have wide feet and am constantly smushing them into heartbreakingly gorgeous shoes. We should start a petition, nay, a revolution.

daddylikeyblog said...

Emi, I'm so sorry for your plight!
I've always thought about opening a wide shoe store that didn't just sell those hobbit slipper things and convincing all the big designers to make pretty wide shoes and I'd make millions of dollars and millions of people happy.
And don't be modest. This is way more important than Iraq.

Jillian said...

Oh I feel your pain!! Though I was lucky to have not gotten my father's bunions, I was cursed with essentially deformed dancers' feet which makes it a great job to put on almost any normal shoe. Don't worry, someday there will be a fantastic designer who will listen to the outcries of all bunion sufferers and make gorgeous shoes for you. :]

Anonymous said...

hi e!
my mother had bunions on both feet! she got operated on during the summer. she was in emmense pain, but she says its totally worth it now! i mean sure, a few months of uncomfortness, but on the plus side, all the shoes you can afford to wear!
but yes, if you are ever considering operation...
great blog by the by!

ambika said...

Holy cow, can I get an 'amen'?

That is my foot, including the twin pinkie-toe bunion which has only developed in the past year. Biggest pain in the ass, biggest disfigurer of shoes and it's totally assymetrical to boot being that it's only on my left foot.

Designers suck for not addressing this.

Laura said...

*looks at shoes*

I wear a D-width shoe when I can get it -- for example, my New Balance running shoes are Ds -- but right now I'm wearing a pair of Marc by Marc Jacobs wedges that are completely fine. I can't wear them more than about 10 hours, and I wouldn't want to walk more than a mile in them, but they DO fit and they DON'T hurt and they are awesome! it is possible!

l'embrouillamini said...

Oh dearie, I too have a b-word on my right foot. It makes it worse that it rhymes with 'onion' - not exactly the most glamourous of vegetables. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that some kind of groundbreaking surgical advances will be discovered in the next few years. One can have a facelift in their lunch break, so why not skeletal realignment?

Stephanie said...

I feel your pain, as does my roommate. We're sure there is a fortune to be made designing beautiful, wide shoes. We can't be restricted to clogs and sneakers forever! And out of curiosity: why don't I ever hear of men being afflicted thus?

Anonymous said...

Oh I soo agree! I have double problem...I have very small wide feet and finding beautiful shoes its a hassle. 1st trying to find my size (5, 35) is so so hard, and if I dare find a pair my size, they are usually too narrow. Now I get nerve pain on my right foot from wearing too tight shoes, so I had to stop wearing them :-( this is impossible!!

gwadzilla said...

I have a sixth tow on each foot that grew from pressure from my snowboard bindings


it hurts to think about

the only thing i ever enjoyed about roller blading
was taking off the shoes

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