Sunday, November 05, 2006

That 1000 dollar olive

Dear Marc, you're a successful man and as such, I'm sure you've had your share of luxury treats and foods, although I understand you mostly subsist on coffee and cigarettes.

But people must have treated you to caviar, to champagne and truffles. In the past 10 years, have you ever had to make do with one lonely pita pocket cause you were out of cash?

I'm not wealthy in the way that you are, but I still feel a kind of kinship with you, since I once ate a single 1000 dollar olive.

It wasn't the taste or the place that made this olive so precious. I consumed it in a Spanish roadside joint as part of a highly forgettable meal. Having enjoyed tortilla and cerveza, I picked up a simple black canned olive and felt my tooth crack against the pit of what I mistakenly thought was a pitless olive.

Half a tooth fell out right there and then, the other half a month later. Not one to mince words, my mother told me I was now kind of shabby looking. She offered to pay for the replacement. I happily accepted and then tried to convince her my post-nursing bustline might also need a small lift. My mom is generous but she's got limits. She told me to get a better bra and go see my dentist.

The dentist gave me the financial verdict. It would cost me 1000 dollars to restore my lovely full set of teeth. That would include a titanium screw (sure beats buns of steel) and a fake tooth. My dentist said perhaps my insurance would cover some of it.

The other day I received word from the insurance company. They agreed to pay part of the procedure in order to give me a "functionally and aesthetically acceptable result".

This means I have it on paper that my current grin is aesthetically unacceptable.
I find this fact so funny that I may not go ahead with the procedure at all.

Just wishing I'd kept the olive pit that caused it all.
I wish I'd kept all the legendary treasures of my life.
The step of stairs that scarred me at 5. The pen that a friend stabbed me with at 12.

What do you wish you'd kept?


Anonymous said...

A new Kroger Store is opening in my town, and, they are advertising an "olive bar" with a logo in their ad. I'm puzzled as to who would appreciate one in my town, settled by German and Irish Immigrants. Mom thinks it is a barrel of olives, which makes me think there will be a lot of tasters.

Thanks for informing me about tooth replacement. Do you wonder why wisdom teeth are removed!

I found your blog, when looking up some Vogue Designers from their pattern book.

PS "i" before "e," except after "c"

eurobrat said...

An expensive olive indeed!

After losing half of my front tooth in a similar way, I went around as broken-tooth-pirate-femme for a few years, before I desired (or could afford!) the replacement.

Sarah said...

if i were you i'd avoid olives all together, they're just plain gross and obviously dangerous.

pinksky22 said...

that picture of the olive just made me crave some olive i have in my fridge and i think i will go eat them after i leave this post. oh wait i just read other people's comments and i guess this post is against olives, oh well. i love your recent images on your blog and i just love your blog overall all the time. love, rachel

-e said...

It's not really a post against olives or against anything. I love olives. Go enjoy. I'm pro-olives.

daddylikeyblog said...

I'm going to get a bumper sticker made that says "I'm pro-olive and I vote."

I wish I'd kept the raptor claw that my brother made out of clay and later threw at my head. It left a scar, but I'm still aesthetically acceptable. I think. But I might need to ask your insurance company to make sure.