Vacation conversation 1.
Me: Mom, did you actually shave your legs? They look so smooth!
Mom: No, I didn’t.
Me: But how come they’re so smooth then?
Mom: It comes from natural wear and tear. Plus the quality wasn’t all that great to begin with.
Me: The quality? The quality of you or of the leg hair?
Vacation conversation 2.
Mom: I’m old, tired and ugly. Do you still like me?
Dad: Of course. And on the bright side, you’re not fat.
Mom: That’s right. But you are!
Dad: I know, I’m old, fat, tired and ugly.
Mom: I like you like that.
Vacation conversation 3.
Me: What are you reading, honey?
A: The Odyssey
Me: Is it good?
A: Sure it is. Wherever he goes, Odysseus is massaged with oils by beautiful maidens. Then he wins battles and brags and talks about things that delight his manly heart. Every now and then, they all do drugs and eat Egyptian lotus flowers.
Me: Sorry for interrupting.