Letters to Marc Jacobs

go here

2008-01-31T00:24:00.001-08:00

I started a new blog. Go here instead.

GOOD BYE!

2007-04-12T06:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Marc, or rather dear people who read this, whoever you are, wherever you are and whatever your reason for reading the random ramblings of this beer slut on this page,

I'm taking a break.

Feel free to mail me at emi@lovegun.net if you'd like a mail whenever there's something to read here or somewhere else.

I'm walking into the world as a new woman as I'm shedding the responsibility of writing hundreds of meaningless letters to a celebrated man of fashion.

What next? Who knows? Suggestions are most welcome.

Mark your mail with letsmeetupforscones in the subject line.
That would make me feel great, almost popular.

love
-e

Portia portia portia

2007-04-10T03:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Marc, I want the Portia look.
what is she wearing? help me.
Where do I find it all?

love
-e

Updates

2007-04-09T02:02:00.000-07:00

Dear Marc, my readers of your letters keep sending me news from your life.
I loved the suits you designed for Will Ferrell's sons demi-Swedish sons Magnus and Mattias.

And your workspace looks great too. Thanks to the web pages of NY Mag, we can all pretend we're sitting by your desk, sharing a joke or two with Robert Duffy.

Your desk seems so clean, clutter free and organized compared to that of Lewis Kornhaus, NYU School of Law Professor.

Mom, see this? You have nothing to worry about! The NY Mag mentions a new book written for you, Kornhauser and myself.

love
-e

Fifi de copywriting

2007-04-05T03:39:00.000-07:00

A sateen silk slip for an exceptional everyday life.

A bra proposing a cleavage of unexpected generosity.

Balloon sleeves top to be a starlet at wake-up !

I love Fifi.

Blog cannibalism

2007-04-04T04:10:00.000-07:00

Nothing new from me, just pictures I find on other people's blogs. I love this picture too.
That's me on the right. I love my pinstriped suit and will not go anywhere without my beer.

love
-your own international businessman.

Fat lady sings the blues

2007-04-04T02:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Marc, yesterday I was a very fat woman.

I wasn't any bigger than usual, but my heart went out to the overweight fashion lovers of the world.

What we see and love we can not have.
Our bodies stop us from it.

See these platforms? Know how great they look with yellow socks and a blue gingham halterneck dress? And perhaps a little scarf casually tied around my flowing hair?

I might buy them anyway, in the hope that they'll fit post-surgery.
What size should one buy when planning to remove large pieces of bone from the feet?

Should I just buy them and love them for their beauty?
Like the gold and white Marc Jacobs I treat just like real babies?

You tell me!
You reading this, tell me what to do.

This is what they tell me is OK prior to surgery. Not the same, I tell you, not the same.

am dreaming about this, which is way too expensive for me, but will look ok with clogs or barefoot.

Les quatre cents...

2007-04-02T04:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Marc, this is letter 400. I hope that's ok by you.
By me, it's fine too, only thing is I don't have a single important thing to say to mark such an important day.

This is my life today:

Must write draft for web campaign.

Must find important background on sweet smelling body lotions.

Must remember my brother's upcoming b-day.

Must set date for return to Sweden.

Must finish work to be able to spend an hour in the sun with my man.

I will smell great, but perhaps not exactly the way he'd wish.
The other day, I visited a Bonpoint-store and since Joel wrecked half the store, I felt obliged to buy something, as a gesture of my peaceful nature and mature standing.

I looked around but could only find delicate, expensive pieces of clothing calm (or wheelbound) children might wear without spoiling.

I might as well eat my pounds with a little ketchup on.

In the end though, I found an item that an adult could use, although the bottle stated in contained perfume pour enfants.

It was such an insane thought, I had to buy it. Besides, in the store it had that perfect lemon drop scent I've tried to find for years. But as we returned home, it turned out to smell very much like the Annick Goutal scents I already have. And sure enough, she was the creator of this scent too! Turns out she's the sister of the Bonpoint founders or something like that.

I'll never forget the first time I wore Annick Goutal's Eau de Sud. Anders looked all confused and said "what's that smell? it smells just like that stuff they use to clean the men's room."

Not the reaction you hope for after shelling out whatever you pay for a bottle of French perfume.

And now I've done it again.

I'd better just start cutting a lemon in half and rub myself with it.

And if you run into urinal smelling kids, don't be alarmed. They're probably mine, freshly sprayed with baby cologne to take away that adorable smell of babysoft skin, silky hair and overall goodness that goes with childhood. Who'd want that? Not the French!

love
-e

Chocolate stingray

2007-03-30T06:07:00.000-07:00

Now it's here.
Whyred Spring and Summer. For all of us who want to be chocolatey sting rays this season.

Lick me, I'll sting you.
.e

Back from the homeland

2007-03-30T05:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Marc, I'm back.
Are you?

I took the plane, which I hate. I am always convinced I will crash and as I board the plane I solemnly look at my co-passengers who will share my sad fate. They always seem happy, bored or busy, never as seriously grave as one should be when having a date with destiny in the skies.

On the good side, I flew SAS, the air line with the oldest stewardesses. To me, this is in itself a reason to fly Scandinavian. Those ladies have been in the air since the days when it was a dreamy, glamorous job to ask strangers if they would like coffee or tea. That's a long time!

Only one bathroom was working.
I'm still cross people did not applaud my speed as I did my business in seconds out of politeness to other passengers also about to crash.

It's difficult even writing about my fear of flying. I feel it might be prophetic and that I will crash and people will point to the blog and say "look, she knew. but wait, if she really knew, would she have bragged about her toilet habits?".

I might, I'm so mysterious.

Come fly the friendly skies with me.

That top picture has nothing to do with this post. I just feel I have to share my kids and the LeGuelaff Breezes. Cause they're all so cute and I have to show you how the new Roumanian chic look we're all rocking this spring.

love
-e

Minute by minute

2007-03-27T09:11:00.000-07:00

Dear Marc, in an attempt to make up for the long dry spell when I didn't post a single entry, but instead went to Bath and met up with loved friends (see top pic)I am posting you on the fly.

Like right now, I'm at Heathrow, on my way to Sweden for a brief visit to the IKEA HQ in the deep of Småland.

I'm drinking wine, cause I don't like to fly.
I hope I make it through customs with all these liquids inside.
It's so warm here, I had to strip down to a very flimsy Paul & Joe top. So now I will be perceived as a drunk menopausal woman on her way to the homeland.

Not the way I intended my comeback.

love
-e

ps. Heatrow or Heathrow? At this stage, the facts are hard to remember.

ps.2. those babies are twins. World, are you ready for the magic of Ted & Ruben? The cutest.

hungrig? hungry?

2007-03-27T04:17:00.000-07:00

Alla som tycker om glädje och mat måste läsa
"om jag vore din hemmafru".

Read "om jag vore din hemmafru". Teach yourself Swedish if you must in order to understand. It's worth it. As a plus, you'll be able to sing along with ABBA in their native language.

Here's one more reason. to learn Swedish.

Put your freezer to better use.

2007-03-27T02:44:00.001-07:00

Matte Stephens freezer. Who needs food?

Cute egg

2007-03-26T05:30:00.000-07:00

One more reason to have kids: the oeuf neck-tie.

Art in mid-day

2007-03-26T04:41:00.000-07:00

Rica Takada.

Art in the morning

2007-03-19T05:00:00.000-07:00

Matte Stephens and his blog.

A great little piece of news

2007-03-16T09:18:00.000-07:00

Our national church has finally come to their senses and now tells the world same sex couples are now also welcome to get married under a the roof of a Swedish state church just like any other couple united by love, passion or habit.

love
-e

I may buy this

2007-03-14T04:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Marc, having read an appalling doom& gloom article on the potential environmental disasters our children and grand children may have to face unless the world changes its ways, I lay awake questioning myself.

The worst scenario left little to be happy for. The words ”only fungi survive” etched themselves into my mind and I tried to come up with ways I could alter my own contribution to the speedy decay of the planet.

I thought of the buy-nothing-day. It seemed so futile. A buy-nothing-month, or perhaps buy-nothing-year would make more sense. I’ve had my clothes and perfume swapping parties, but here in London I know few people who’d trade their clothes for mine.

Therefore I have decided to cut down on spending instead. Below are the few key items I may buy for the next decade to come.

I may buy:

One pair of sun glasses inexpensive enough not to cause mourning when (not if) I lose them

Two pairs of jeans, since that’s all I really wear and my favourite pair is stuck at the drycleaners after I lost the mending receipt

Tops, since the many machine washes of my few 3 tops is surely harmful to both the environment and my relationship to sound sensitive neighbours

Socks, cause A will soon notice that I’m constantly wearing his (much too big ones, with the heels making unattractive little pouches right above the back of my sneakers)

I may absolutely not buy, at any cost, whatever the circumstances:

Any more fun vintage party dresses in happy colours

Any more LBD’s

Any more nice shoes or boots, since with my feet they’re only a waste of time, money and cobbler talent

Nice sunglasses like everyone in Holland Park wear, (but if I’m lucky and look properly I should be able to find a dropped pair on the ground)

Should not spend money on:

Revolutionary Cinderella-effect haircut, since I should really have learned by now that they do not exist, especially not when offered by magazine in horrible make over seen by every acquaintance, ex and job contact in the country.

May perhaps spend money on:
Environmentally immoral trip to Sweden for haircut and foot assessment by trusted professionals like Hasse.

If failing to follow these rules, remember:

ONLY FUNGI SURVIVE.

Tell me your lists.

Love

-e

Or any other place

2007-03-13T03:48:00.000-07:00

Anyone who's got a good idea for a quick escape from London for 2 people, please help. We love taking the train. And enjoy long breakfasts.

Bed, Bath and beyond

2007-03-13T03:23:00.000-07:00

Dear Marc, I hear you're in Arizona, hope you're doing fine.
I'll be leaving the city too this weekend, going for a short trip to Bath.
It was decided after Anders uttered the highly unlikely words "Emi, what do you say we go to Bath and check out the Jane Austen museum"?

Have you or anyone reading this been to Bath? Know any good hotels? We'll only be staying for one night.

love

-e, who will soon go see Becoming Jane to get in the spirit. But will an empire cut dress I will not. Did it ever look good on ANYONE? I might run over some dry grass though. Seems that's all they did back in the day, sometimes hurting their ankles. You know I can relate to people with pains below the knees.

I had been warned

2007-03-12T07:53:00.000-07:00

Dear Marc, you look so healthy now, I'm sure you follow a diet of Volvic, algae and organic raspberries. I'm all for organic, hoping new ways of old school farming will help the world and our health. But I was not prepared for the level of organic thinking they have here in the UK. Mind you, i had been warned. In one sentence, my new friend Natasha summed it up:

As soon as you get to London you're going to discover that the English middle classes are obsessed with organic food and willing to pay prices equivalent to a really good seat at the theatre for fair-traded organically produced green beans flown in from Kenya and if you asked me REALLY dubiously organic.

I had been warned. I should not have been surprised. Chewing on an organic spelt croissant (my apologies to French pastry-orthodox reades), Vanja correctly concluded that the treat was good but more bread than croissant.

After a supper of organic salad, organic salami and organic blueberries (flown in environmentally unsound, from Chile! The horror!) I went to bed.

I had a dream, like women my age often do, that I had another lovely baby.
The child was gorgeous and to top off my self-congratulatory middle classedness, she had a big brown liver spot on her back. At closer inspection, the spot read "100% organic". I bet not even Apple has that!

what did you dream last night?
love
-e

Everyday magic

2007-03-12T05:16:00.000-07:00

How do Waitrose make them stop? Is it magic or magneticism?
Enigmatic!

love
-e

Do this don't

2007-03-12T05:13:00.000-07:00

Dear Marc, did you ever try to try on clothes with two kids in your fitting room?
It's fun! But you'll never get to try on the clothes.

love
-e

When you want to feel cute or happy

2007-03-08T06:10:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc when you want to feel

Cute listen to Nightingale with lisa ekdahl
Happy listen to last night with the strokes
In love listen to Tripping out with curtis mayfield

now tell me your best happy tunes.
I'm collecting songs for my upcoming walking tours of joy.
I want tracks that will make me explode from joy of living joie de vivre lebenslust
GIVE IT TO ME.

cute greetings
.e

As if losing Studio 60 wasn't bad enough

2007-03-08T05:04:00.000-08:00

Rome! All gore and evil. Whorenius going berserk and everything turning ugly and sad.
I studied classics at the University. I marvelled at the ingenious plumbing, the heated floors, the aqueducts, the terme, the paintings, the tragic of Pompeii and Herculaneum, the intrigues, Anthony & Cleopatra, Cesar & Cleopatra, the women, the gossip, the colours, the gladiators, the madness.

I went to India, partly because I think that is as close you can come to ancient day Rome.

But never once did I imagine you could take all this, all that was once Rome and make it into a tv-series that couldn't hold my interest for even an hour. Does it pick up after the first episode of the 2nd season?

This is what I turn to, in my hour of disappointment. I stole it from my dad when I was 12, it has never ever let me down.

love

-Niobe

Bags bags bags

2007-03-06T03:31:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, people assume I am obsessed I'm with you because of the more than 350 letters I've written so far, but I ask you and the readers of the world, who's more of a nut, a blogger or any of the thousands of women who pay large large large amounts to be walking ads for the marc's label?

Ok, so I may still bring home the nut trophy. Perhaps I should venture over to the other side and get a bag instead. Problem is that I'm one of those people who have problems hanging on to the material world. I get lost in thought and lose things as I go, leaving a trail of jackets, wallets, books, and (one time only, promise) stroller behind.

I'm a woman of woman born. Naturally, I too, would like to have a nice handbag. But I couldn't buy a nice one, since I'm so certain to lose it.

You may wonder how such a distracted person dare to have children. Here's the great thing about kids: They know your name and recognize your face. So if you could only make a bag that cries out "Emi, don't leave me" when I accidentally forget it on the subway, I would seriously consider buying one.

I, and other potential customers would appreciate the multi-voice settings such a bag could have. You could have your own mellow MJ-voice built in and let customers choose between add-ons such as "the arnold". "the ellen" and the "Barry White".

I think this could be really big in Japan.

Love from the department of unsolicited product development.

In my part of London

2007-03-06T03:06:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, enough is enough, you will not hear a word more on the topic of my feet. Even I am so sick of this!

Instead, I'm focusing on the good. Let me show you the charms of my new neighbourhood.

Isn't this the nicest plantshop you ever saw? Can you see the plants and flowers embracing the house itself? Flowers love it there! And isn't that word "nurserymen" so comforting? I'd love to have a bunch of them at home.

I pass this car almost every day. See how it's so pretty even the tree behind it is trying to impress it, breaking out in bloom although winter's not even over? I understand. I find myself putting on a little gloss when I'm about to pass this car. I think she's Italian, and as all Italian women, she makes me a little self consious cause she herself is so...Southern European and well put together in her bite sized format.

This is a kind of sign I've never seen at home. I understand they refer to the room, but I can't help myself from thinking about the actual toilet. Perhaps I'm alone in this, but I feel this sign was put up to stop the Borats of the world from thirstily going headfirst into the bowl. Very incontinent tap too.

love
-e

To illustrate my point

2007-03-02T04:30:00.000-08:00

What will this look like when I have to team the dresses above with my new MBT's?

What I want for Christmas: miracle cure that make bunions disappear into thin air.

Ps. John, if you're reading, that emergency outcry below goes out to you too. Perhaps you could create a pink satin MBT with a little fake fur trimming? As a visual tribute, I'd don a thin mustache to thank you.

The verdict is in

2007-03-02T04:02:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, would you like to see a little bit of my skeleton?

Great, here you are:

The image to the right is a colour drawing of my foot. The only thing missing in this picture is a twin bunion on the other side of the foot, placed in the middle of the small toe.

As you can imagine, having double bunions on an already wide shoe presents me with immense shoe problems. I was looking forward to surgery, dreaming about little stilettoes, Jimmy Choo miracles made of nothing but gold thread and perhaps a few sparkling stones and a little smiling cameo face of Tamara Mellon inserted into the heel, but those dreams were crushed yesterday.

I went to see a podiatrist who told me surgery was only a great option if I could not take two steps without experiencing the worst of pains.

She also told me that since I do not hurt barefoot, "your shoes are the problem, not your feet".
This leaves me with the rest of a very long future, the rest of my life, in comfortable and therefore ugly shoes.

WHY? WHY CAN NOT ONE TALENTED DESIGNER ADDRESS THIS ISSUE?

Why are we, the already handicapped, left to wear shoes that would only make a hairy hobbit happy?

Shocked by the news of my future, I went into overdrive and bought two pairs of very unflattering but anatomically correct trainers for many more pounds that I can afford. I wil return them tomorrow.

Between Darfur, the environment crisis and your president's plans for Irak, the state of my feet is a very minor issue for you to ponder, Im sure. But I'm not alone! There is money to be made from our growing bunions! You could take our cash and give it to the charity of your choice.

Then, bunions would finally be a source of not just pain, misery and grief, but also of new hope. You could make that difference.

Ps. This letter is not only for your eyes, Marc. Manolo, if you're reading, Stella, Christian L, Yves and Miuccia, if you feel like giving it a try - do go ahead. I'm not picky.

If you have an RSS feed

2007-03-01T05:13:00.001-08:00

you must hate me.

Dressing in the difficult years.

2007-03-01T04:19:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, in the words of Britney spears I would like to tell you that:

I'm not a girl,
Not yet a woman.
All I need is time,
A moment that is mine,
While I'm in between.

I thought that at this age (which I'm not disclosing, I'm younger than you but older than Brit) I would surely have reached a more womanly state of mind. But I have not.

When will this pass?
Do you know?
You must have heard this lament from thousands of women? Your latest Marc Jacobs line was so day dreamy, but too mature for the ingenue in me. I'm more drawn to the Marc by Marc Jacobs line, but unfortunately my interior ingenue is not reflected by my exterior, the body and face that the rest of the world sees. I'm like Dorian Grey's portrait, reversed, the way age usually works.

I'm looking for ways to make peace with this ageing, that came out of the nowhere called time. Especially for this weird phase between girl and real woman.

I think this is what I'd like to be wearing in the moment that is mine, the in between time.

Look, she's not wearing heels and it looks OK. What a relief for sore feet. All I need now is much longer, sleeker hair, and a more inuit-ish face.

This third look I'm throwing in for fun. If it looks like this on a super slender teen model, imagine what it will look like on women who can actually afford Givenchy.

That understated detail

2007-02-28T03:43:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, I'm sure you're a Sartorialist addict, like the rest of the fashion world.
Do you know, that by know, he's so popular, there are now guides on how to get snapped by him? He's so loved, he's now known simply as Sarto.

Did you ever get snapped by him?
I'm sure you did.

love
-e, who hasn't been snapped by anyone by myself in the past 15 years.

Time was once on her side

2007-02-27T23:58:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, did I ever tell you about mom's watch?
I think not.

My mom had a watch and oen day, the arms of that watch started turning counter clock wise, making mom younger by the minute. And as much as I love her, I can't understand why she had it fixed. It was some kind of miracle watch, the kind you'd think you'd only find in a South American novel written by Isabel Allende or Gabriel Garcia Marquez. But we found one at home, in boring but nice Stockholm. Everyday magic, it exists!

I think such watches would make great gifts to the stressed out urban crod. I don't think most people buy your baubles to know the time, do you?

love
-e

Bad vision = Smooth hands

2007-02-27T05:56:00.000-08:00

Because of my poor vision, I have used hand lotion on my face thrice in the past week. Every time, I'm equally annoyed with myself. But my hands have never been softer. They've been treated with premium cream intended for use on a dry face.

And you know what a nuisance my hands have been!
First I wrote you this, then this.

Perhaps this is the answer! Never before has my poor vision been a source of my gratitude. But now, I dare say it is.

love
-e

Playing with food, 3

2007-02-26T04:25:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, the only reason I send you these food pictures is because that's all we do at home when the food is not on our own faces.

Here's today's breakfast. (And no mom, I didn't serve my girl toast that carcinogenic. Promise. Call me if you're worried, and I'll explain how Photoshop works when it comes to contrast and saturation)

Playing with food, II

2007-02-26T03:59:00.000-08:00

A crab...

...meets his maker.

Meet the fam

2007-02-22T05:27:00.001-08:00

Listen to the music of my cousin Juvelen.
Disco to HANNA.
Love
-e

My feet - my burden

2007-02-22T03:18:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, following a week of hard work and no play, my boss told me to go get myself something nice at Liberty.
First off, I had lunch at the art cafe, in the company of an issue of Australian Gourmet and travel. We shared a plate of perfectly scrambled eggs and silky smooth salmon on toast. Plus the requisite pot of tea. Gourmet told me to finish off the meal with an terrifically tart lemon tart. I obliged.

Full and content with life, I wandered about Liberty. I started with shoes. Sadly, my feet have now spread so much that I can only wear trainers with orthopedic soles. I walked around the shoe department like a diabetic in a candy store, like a recovering alcoholic in a bar. What I want will hurt me. I can't buy shoes. I might have to shell out for surgery instead. I've read up on the surgery I might need. Post-operation recovery requires at least 6 weeks on crutches. I think they mean per foot.

How do people manage?
How will I manage with two kids while I'm on crutches. I'm sure you have nothing to say about this, but perhaps someone reading this has had a similar experience.

All the women on my mothers side of the family share my kind of troubled feet. My aunt swears by her MBT's. I'm curious, but not sure my current feet will fit in them.

To my great sorrow, I could not buy shoes. I went looking for the second item no privileged western woman can live without, the perfect cardigan. I found two and bought both that top one from KIND and a second one from Rützou.

I'm sharing the pictures here, cause this might be the first and last time they are seen without coffee spills, porridge stains and traces of mud. I have a dream, to be the kind of mom that stays elegant through play and meals. But I know I am not her.

Love
-e

A life in three pictures

2007-02-20T07:04:00.000-08:00

Living like Gwyneth, environmentally friendly mom-driven transportation device.

Hovering in Hyde Park, thanks to overall happiness (and perhaps too much broccoli soup).

Hurry while supplies last! Limited stock!

Question from a fellow end consumer

2007-02-20T06:47:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, I just received a letter from a girl who's experiencing some trouble with a MJ-purchase, perhaps you can help her?

Or anyone else reading this, please help lovely Melanie.

hi! i have a bit of a dilemma related to marc jacobs. you see i just returned to my apartment after a visit to marc by marc. my first dilemma of course relates to the fact i just want to use the store as my closet, but unfortunately you can't help me in that regard!!! :) my true dilemma is that i just purchased one of the watch bauble necklaces (the red star one in fact), and i don't know how to set the correct time.

the lady behind the counter didn't know how to set the time & the manual they had wasn't in english so they couldn't help us!!! the necklace didn't come with any instructions, so i was hoping one of my fellow bloggers would know...and you are probably the only person in the blogosphere that loves mj more than i. i'm guessing i will have to find a mini screw driver to open up the back, any ideas as to what i should do?

thanks!!

Warning: Must not see Must love dogs

2007-02-19T03:44:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, are you into romantic comedies? I am. I live for the stuff.
The other day we watched "In her shoes" which was a good example of the genre. Then we saw "Must love dogs", which was horrible.

A described it best: "It had all the drama and excitement of an LL Bean catalogue sprung to life". Diane "I'm so beautiful but now that I'm a little older female viewers might finally identify with me" Lane tried to fight the poor direction, but there was little she could do.
Don't see Must love dogs. Do Lane justice and watch Rumble Fish instead or even that Tuscany-thing which is ok thanks to Sandra Oh.

Happily, we could wash away the bad movie memories watching The age of Innocence, which is surely not a rom com unless you have a strange sense of humor. I hadn't seen it before, but it was fine.

Your friend Winona was so good in it. How did the two of you become friends? I wish she'd write a script and make a movie about it all. That's a movie we'd all love to see, Winona. Make it, we know you can.

love
-e

Funny or Sexy, you decide! part 3

2007-02-19T03:39:00.000-08:00

Perez guilty of scribbling.

Bring on the fall

2007-02-19T03:36:00.000-08:00

Why is fall so far away? First, spring then summer.
THEN fall.
I love fall most of all.
love
-e

Today is the day!

2007-02-16T04:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, today is your day. Have a wonderful time!
Take London by storm, once again.
Love
-e

In the name of health

2007-02-15T03:42:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, you look so healthy these days.
You seem to take good care of yourself.
I try to take care of myself too, and take my vitamins.
I take so many vitamins, that when I read on the labels that you should take them with your meal, it makes me wonder....
Does a fistful of vitamins count as a meal to itself?

love
-e

Picture from Toothpaste for dinner.

Selfridges vs. Self 3-0

2007-02-13T05:49:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, after a wonderful walk through the parks I went to Selfridges looking for shoes.
I was wearing trainers, a fleece and jeans perfect for happy walking to the tunes of Tina Charles.

But it was a big mistake for a girl strolling the holy brands of Selfridges. Especially teamed with the broken and dirty umbrella buggy/pram carrying my baby - my heavy 17" MacBook Pro.

It was like me and the dresses on display belonged to different planets. I lusted after the wonderful Temperley dresses, but even I could tell that I might not be trusted to put one on.

I saw a lovely, simply perfect Martin Grant dress, but am the kind of girl who has to flip the price tag. I know I might be paranoid to think the sales assistants disapproved, I just kept having the feeling that their other customers don't bother with such mortal details
To retain my dignity, I had to iPod myself some Chopin. I'm going back tomorrow, dressed up.

must work.

-e

The life and times of a female ventriloquist

2007-02-13T05:32:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc,

A girl has to have her role models.

Problem for me is that I don’t know who they are. I know they’re out there, and I’m looking for them, but I can’t recognize them since they’re women speaking through the mouths of grown, important men.

These women are my fellow ventriloquists. The important men are our dummies.
We’re phrasing the messages, but we’re not the ones who get to say the important words.

I don’t have much authority. People don’t really listen to me in meetings. I could blame my small stature again, but Madonna is smaller than I am and I don’t think she ever has problem getting people to listen. It’s something else. Apparently, it doesn’t have much to do with the talent for wording the message, since that’s what I get paid to do.

And I’m not alone.

My world is filled with ventriloquists. We’re an army of women speaking through the bellies of successful men. I’ve worded the cheerful letters of CEO’s. I’ve constructed perfect punch lines and made room for feelings of regret, gratitude or restrained happiness at the end.

I’m not saying these men couldn’t write their own letters. Of course they could and they have, they’re beyond that. Now they have more important stuff to take care of in meetings, boardrooms or wherever important men go. I don’t really know, as I’m not often invited there.

I actually like my ventriloquist ways. I like writing a pompous letter, signing it ”James”, though all involved know James didn’t write that himself.

Sometimes I wonder if the world wouldn’t be a tiny bit more equal if we quit being good girls, helping the busy men fulfil their tasks. I don’t know. Maybe not.

It’s not even certain I wrote this myself. I might have a young boy writing this for me. His name could be James, but he’s closing this letter with

Heartfelt greetings from your own
-E

Ps. It’s enough to make me feel like one of those Russian dolls. Are all the layer dolls dolls, or is only the tiniest, the solid one, real? Perhaps that’s what we are? We are the littlest dolls. But we’re real.

Here's to you Ms Robertson

2007-02-12T13:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, here's your quote of the day:

"While conversing with Mr Fiennes during my break, I expressed a need to go to the toilet," Ms Robertson said in her statement.

Doesn't Ms Robertson know it's enough to excuse oneself for a moment? What's next?
Telling world famous actors whether she's doing nr 1 or 2?

Other than that, and potentially putting the rest of the passengers in danger while enjoying bodily pleasures, I kind of like Ms Robertsons adventurous nature.

Also, I like Fiennes for his taste in women. 38 is good. A 22-year old stewardess had been so predictable. Perhaps both of them will profit from this.

Qantas - we never crash, unless you count crashing toilet parties.

love
-e

ps. Do you know where I can find a good (clean) Qantas stewardess outfit? I'd like to pay a visual tribute to ms Robertson.

The healthy life

2007-02-12T05:46:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, have you noticed just how obsessed Brits are with organic life, or perhaps just with the word ORGANIC?

Everything here boasts of its organic origins. One brand is even called SO organic, like the world is an SNL sketch, which of course it is.

The other day I bought a soup, made by Prince Charles (a king in the kitchen).

The word organic was printed 18 times on the silly little label. 18 times. Perhaps the Brits are modern day Smurfs, who've cleverly omitted the original smurf word and replaced it with organic? I think so.

Organic greetings
-e

Male Sadness caused by Sale Madness

2007-02-10T00:54:00.000-08:00

A missed all the great January sales. People travel to this town because of the sales, but he was too busy working to go shopping.

Why not have a March sale instead?
It would benefit the mood of my household.
Thankyou!

Love
-e

ps. That's Joel up there. He doesn't care about clothes yet. But he loves shoes. And swans.

Missing my girls

2007-02-09T04:29:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, I'm making myself at home in London. Today a British lady asked me for directions and I could give them to her!

Yesterday it snowed in London and they closed all schools. Such wimps! Makes me wish for my snowclad winter capital above.

I work and play with the kids and enjoy the company of A, but sometimes I miss my friends at home. The weekend before I left, I met up with the ones who could make it (Sara M was in Florida to celebrate her grandmother's 95th, Petra is in LA, Sarah S was in Japan and Malin was at home with a newborn).

But Lotta was there. We met over e-mail a few years ago. I fell in love with her hilarious soul, and then it turned out she looks amazing too (seated center, below). She once had an international top hair stylist tell her "I can't do eeenythink. EEET eez puurrrfeect." That has never happened to me. I

Nina is talking to Lotta. You can't talk to Nina without wanting to spend the next day, perhaps the next week with her. To Lotta's right, Sara T (I know so many great Sara's).
You may remember Sara from previous posts. She's a very talented illustrator/writer and she makes very nice turbans if you need one.

Below, she's listening to Lotta's lovely man Martin. I have no idea what he's talking about, I tried, but couldn't hear them.

Bea and Karin came to dinner too. Blonde Bea to the right below is also a writer/illustrator. She recently travelled to the North Pole on an ice breaker. She has walked on the ice of the North Pole, something few Londoners have done.

Karin is seated to the left of Bea. Karin is my friend and neighbour. She always beats me at board games. She's also short, like me, and people often mistake us. We're related through a common ancestor called Baggins. The fact that we're part hobbitts which may explain our height challenged statures.

I'm happy Clara was there too. I'm trying to convince her to come to London for shoe shopping as she is great company with an excellent taste in footwear. We'll see if I succeed.
Must go pick up the kids. Where are the friends you miss the most?

love
-e

Can't get you out of my head, but at least your stuff is out of my house

2007-02-08T04:48:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, I know you're busy but I'm sure you've heard that Kylie has now dumped The Frenchman?

Her friends stand by her and tell the mags that she's promptly FedExed all his stuff to Los Angeles.

"What has gone back includes an antique pair of diamond earrings and a friendship ring he gave her.

"Also couriered were all of his clothes and personal belongings, including two leather jackets by Claude Montana, cashmere jumpers and Hermes shoes, five Dunhill shirts, six pairs of Giorgio Armani jeans, his aftershave, moisturiser, all the books and records and CDs they bought together in flea markets in Paris while Kylie was in recovery and other things like film scripts he left behind."

I don't know about you, Marc, but this makes me suspicious. Would a friend name the stuff like that? Is Kylie making friends with the FedEx people?

When my friends dump their boyfriends and I talk to the press, I say "his junk is where it should be, on it's way to him". Never have I stooped to count the number of Dunhills in the container.

Have I missed something?

Kylie reigns supreme.
We love you Kylie. The only thing I hate is that the Kylie exhibition seems to be fully booked before it's even opened.

Must go.
I'm tracking a container, rumoured to hold friendship rings and Olivier Martinez underwear.

love
-e

From your show to my heart

2007-02-07T03:11:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, I just saw the pics from your fall ready-to-wear line.
I want all the clothes. All. Am also impressed by the way someone seems to have taken Reese Witherspoon and stretched her out (above).

Perhaps, if I wore this outfit, I would be met by respect and exude that air of mystery I think lurks somewhere within me.

Ah the fashionable life! I feel that if I wore those clothes, I would magically be transformed into another person and time. perhaps I'd be part of this happy group of females I found in my grandmother's album. They're at the estate, having some fun before the ball.

The thoughts of your clothes give me beautiful daydreams. Thankyou!

love
-e

My son, what has become of you

2007-02-05T03:25:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, when we decided to relocate to London, I was mostly worried about my daughter's ability to adjust to the country, language and customs. Never did I worry about my wee son, who does not seem to be able to tell the difference between food and sand. He's in that cute, ignorant stage.

But it seems I should perhaps have taken better care of him. The other day, I returned from the swings to find him like this:

Like so many Swedes abroad, he has turned into a tragic case of
caffe latte bumness.

What can a mother do?
He's not even 2 years old.

love
-e

A Marc Jacobs dilemma

2007-02-05T02:24:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, know how a man can sometimes come between two women? How two friends turn into rivals because of a member of the opposite sex? You are that kind of man. I understand some men would take this as some kind of ego booster, but to you; I’m sure this is just weird and perhaps not even welcome news. I know you had no intention to break up my two friends, but it happened, over two years ago and there’s little to be done about it now.

And to think that I was the one to start the split, by returning from the store with my two new pairs of MJ boots at 70% off the original price! I told Anna of the sale and as she needed new footwear she decided to head for the sale. She asked Jess if she wanted to come too, but Jess was too busy working.

Jess: I know there are those most beautiful white smooth high heeled Marc Jacobs boots on sale. I love them!

Anna: Ok, sure you don’t want to go, then?

Jess: Yeah.

So Anna went to the sale and of all the things on sale, she fell in love with a pair of beautiful white smooth high heeled Marc Jacobs boots. There was only one pair left, so you can imagine her joy when they were her size. She went back to the office, where Jess received her with icy coldness upon seeing the contents of Anna’s bag.

Anna offered to sell them. She offered joint custody. But Jess was not impressed. In her view, Anna had broken the rules of friendship simply by buying the boots.

They tried to mend their friendship but it was never again the same. Especially after a moment at a party where a group of 12 women stood in a ring around Anna, praising her incredible footwear. Jess was there to witness the fashion triumph that could have been hers. Hell hath no fury like a stylish woman scorned.

What do you say? Was Jess first remark enough? Should Anna have refrained from buying the boots all together?

Love
-e

And yes, that’s me with the left member of the couple that broke up the friendship.

Dogwalkers unite and take over

2007-02-02T22:15:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, I read a lot of quotes. The other day I read another quote by Tom Ford:
"If I had been a dog walker, I would have been the most successful dog walker in Paris."

Who's the better dog walker of the two of you? Are you up to the challenge? Who's the faster? The more stylish? I hear you now, saying there's no competition. I don't believe it. I'm rooting for you.

God I'd love to see the two of you on a dog walk face off.

love
-e

ps. Perhaps Tom means he just puts his heart into whatever he does. But I can't help it. Now he's planted this dog walking fantasy in my head and I have to run with it. Cause I'm a woman who runs with dogs. The dog runner.

ps2. Have you seen this? For men who love dogs.

More pics from London

2007-02-01T00:04:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, it seems in London, people drive around in childsized cars. And most fireplaces appear to be out of service. But they make great movie watching corners.

Do you have a petite car and a small computer cove?
I hope you do!

love
-e

Does my butt look perfect in this

2007-01-31T20:38:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, isn't it time you treated yourself to underwear made to fit your exact measurements?

Ida will help you.

love
-e, soon to be seen in a pair of perfect tightie whities.

Love from London

2007-01-31T00:09:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, we've arrived in London where everythings a little more grand, a little more sophisticated and a little more weird.

For instance, the shower at our place is constructed to spurt water in two directions. Unfortunately, neither way is down. For the first time in history, it's possible to take a shower without getting wet. Why does this seem so British? All food items in our local store is made to be microwaved. All of it.

The first day, we went looking for parks, only to find that the majority are locked up. We saw empty playground after empty playground, with the two kids crying from frustration. Growing up in a socialist country, where everything, including the king's private palace, is open to the public, it all seemed exotic and exclusive in a not so great way.

Finally we found a park. And then a primary school with a small moat and guard dogs. Exotic! Exclusive!

Here's me and the kids in front of our place. And my fave boots.

And the poppa.

My brother came over to report for manny duty. He's with the kids as I type.

Ok, that's it for now. Must write important article covering the life of Bianca Jagger. The fashion years, the decades of working to save humanity from evils and George W Bush.
Do you know Bianca? Have any great input? Thank you!

Love
-e

A day of food

2007-01-26T14:24:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, did you ever clean an entire house before you were to leave the country? And if so, what did you do to keep the two people under 6 years of age out of the household for two days so you didn't have to clean it again?

I brought my kids to see food in the ancient Östermalmshallen (top pic), where time stopped somewhere around 1932. It's the kind of place to go if you want to say stuff like "I'm planning to eat a plump pear two days from now. So could you give me one that will be perfect by then?"
And they won't even think that's a weird thing to ask for. They'll just give you the perfect pear.

See that man to the left? The one that looks like he's got two heads and one set of legs? One half of that strange man is one quarter of Abba. Benny.

I don't care if you don't believe me. He knows he was there. And I'm the lousiest paparazzi in the universe. Make that multiverse. I have the picture to prove it.

Cheeses from 1932.

That fruit counter.

That fruit counter with the apple of my eye.

More strange food from our nation. These pale orbs to the left are known as kroppkaka. It translates into the unappetizing "Body cake". Inside a layer of 300 % carbs, you'll find a little meat if you're lucky. Some people add bacon so they don't have to rely on luck. That's bacon to the right. If you're lucky you might find a tiny kroppkaka inside the bacon. But don't count on it.

Here's strange food that's really good. Say hello to the semla, also known as Hetvägg - Hot wall. It's a bun with a slight cardamom tinge and an almond paste filling, topped with cream. Eat it with hot milk and cinnamon. I love semlor (pl.) so much I contemplated naming my daughter Semla.

We ate and went for dinner at my folks house. My dad told me a story about how he tried his love for another woman before mom.

"I decided to walk to the airport to test my love. I walked for an hour but then I had to take a cab, but only because I didn't have the time, I swear. And there she was and I realized I didn't love her. I saw her in the airport lounge wearing her wolf fur and all and I didn't feel a thing".

He had us with his walk to the airport. That was romantic. But wolf fur? Who is he kidding?

You have one?

love
-e

Weird food from our nation

2007-01-26T14:17:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, may I introduce you to Blodpudding? That's right. Blodpudding. That green keyhole sign means it's really good for you. Nutritious and healthy.

Does that make you feel better?

Love
-e

A loving tribute to brides of the 80s

2007-01-26T14:15:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, may I present to you the half poodle/half meringue creature?
He's looking for a new home.

love
-e

The curse of the multiverse

2007-01-24T01:04:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, I'm sure you're familiar with quantum physics and the idea of one, perhaps an infinite number of parallel universes. I hesitate in writing universes. The one we're in seems sufficient to me. But sure, bring on the multiverse.

I struggle with multiverse. According to some theories, there might be universes identical to ours, where you and I do things differently. In one of them, you have a blog called Letters to Emi Gunér, because you're a copywriter who appreciates my fashion.

With the snow I'm faced with the multiverse again. We haven't changed tires to suit the winter climate. I tried to move the car, it was very difficult. My heart goes out to myself in a parallel universe where I crashed into one neighbors car right after I ran over another neighbors dog. In this universe, I came very close to having those accidents.

Must clean the entire house, potential house sitters are coming to visit tomorrow morning.
Anders is still in France, but on his way home.

In a parallel universe, he's cleaning the house and I'm in France.
Actually, in a parallel universe, it is customary for potential house sitters to clean the house while paying for the owners couple time in France.

A bientot
-emilie

More winter

2007-01-23T04:50:00.000-08:00

A man.

Meets his maker.

Winter wonderland

2007-01-23T01:02:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, I just dropped the kids off at the day care center.
I had my camera with me, walking home. Bring out the ski's, I'll make hot chocolate.
Winter's finally here.

wearing a knitted hat, sending love from far away.
-e

A man, a wife, many many many shoes

2007-01-23T00:53:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, have you read Blogger me? He's very interested in his wife's shoes. In a loving, respectful way. I get the impression that he's into his wife and her shoes, but still leaves her shoes alone. And he manages to write about them shoes in an interesting way.

Or perhaps I should say he did. He quit writing the blog back in 2005, so don't expect any new shoes on the site. But it's still a good read.

Would you like me to write about my man's shirts?

I'll do it if you want me to.

love
e

ps. Sorry for the A Marc Jacobs dilemma delay.

The healing powers of my mama

2007-01-22T04:48:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, how do you feel about New Agers? I don’t think I would care at all, if my mother wasn’t so big on alternative medicine and treatments. She’s a psychiatrist, and have worked as a regular doctor and psychiatrist for more than 30 years.

The New Age wave brought her even more treatment alternatives when traditional methods failed. She’s now also into energy medicine, healing oils and various acupressure points. I find it hard to believe I even have chakras, but she tells me I do, and in all the right places too!

Now mom’s not above putting her methods to work for other needs too.
The other day, she was on the subway, caught up in a book on mindfulness. Her mind was so full that she left a bag with her favorite red linen jacket behind.

Mom did not cry. She used Reiki to bring her jacket back. Not only was the jacket returned by the subway people, but later that day, my mom found an identical red jacket in a store. These jackets are not easy to come by, she’s looked for an extra one since she bought the first one a few years ago.

What I’m trying to say here is that if you’ve lost a loved item of clothing, my mom might be able to bring it back for you. She’s not your regular doctor.

Love
-e

ps. Coming up: A real Marc Jacobs dilemma! Will be posted in a few hours or whenever my kids go to bed.

What I know for sure

2007-01-21T00:12:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, I know Oprah loves you but do you love her? Do you read her words of wisdom? Do they inspire you to tell the world about your own progress and insights?

I know the world would much rather read your words than mine, but should that stop me?
No!

Here's what I know for sure.

If you have a 5-year old daughter, do not buy her Days of The Week Underwear if you want to retain your sanity. Unless you want to spend an hour every Monday morning looking for Monday, but coming up with Wednesday. Even if she can't read, you wouldn't lie to your child. Or would you? By Tuesday morning, you will.

love
-e

Funny or sexy - Newsflash

2007-01-20T00:22:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, remember this?
The world loves them!

What would Jesus wear?

2007-01-19T04:42:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, I’m not a co-shopper, are you? I find it difficult to go shopping with friends. When it comes to friend activities, I’d rather go for long walks or meet up for dinner, lunch, tea or anything else involving food and company.

But for shopping, no. Since I prefer to go shopping in solitude, I can only turn to myself for style advice. As a result, my style hasn’t changed much since the 5th grade. Sometimes, when I’m especially lost, I think ”would x wear this?”, the same way people ask what Jesus would have done.

Various celebrities and friends have played the part of X over the years. Molly Ringwald and Sade were pioneer x:es.

Molly had me dressed in tartan and mesh. Sade inspired a strict ponytail and tight long skirts.

Then, for a long, long, long time, X:s shoes were filled by Lauryn Hill. She was my style icon. No, we don’t look anything alike. Still “would Lauryn Hill wear this” was my mantra, my inner style compass. For instance, I was convinced that Lauryn Hill would wear a combination of green wool pants, green wool turtleneck and a worn jean jacket. And she would definitely choose to match that up with combat boots.

I haven’t seen a pic of Hill in years. I hear she now has 4 kids, so I’m guessing that she knows all there is to know about stylish maternity wear.

My current x’s are Amanda Peet and sometimes Parker Posey. Some days it’s Sofia Coppola, other days it’s Cate Blanchett. When completely lost I get back on track with the help of a young Claudette Colbert.

Who’s your x?

Do you have one?
Curiously yours

-e

ps. What will this mean as I’m getting older? Will I ask myself “would Margaret Thatcher or miss Marple wear this?”

A bird in the hand.

2007-01-18T12:37:00.000-08:00

Made by dad in the 60's. Speaking of dad, he's in NY right now, showing his Hammarskjöld documentary at the UN. I love you, dad. It's a day full of love, bills, and fighting the cold.

bye
-e

Overheard on the bus

2007-01-18T12:34:00.000-08:00

Young woman on the phone:

"Yes it was one of those really posh boutiques. You know, kisses on really smooth cheeks belonging to women with long nails on wrinkled hands."

Congratulations America

2007-01-17T22:49:00.000-08:00

From Sweden to you, an art school prince.
Carl Philip has left Stockholm for New York to study at an undisclosed New York art school
Congratulations students.

I know it's not my business

2007-01-17T14:28:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, you know this man is dating Teri Hatcher and he has previously dated Eva Longoria? I see no problem with that. I just wonder if that beard looks better up close? Perhaps it has a hypnotizing effect. Perhaps he plays the flute and wants it to rest better against his chin.

Love
-e

So help me

2007-01-17T14:09:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, I'm going to a party and don't know what to wear.
Decide for me. Thankyou!

Red on the inside.

The "I can't afford Mouret."

You should see it from the back.

Eye update

2007-01-16T00:13:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, do you remember my post on corrective eye surgery?
Turns out my eyes are too cone shaped to guarantee a perfect result. My eye doctor tells me so.
Cone shaped? That's not a compliment is it?

My eyes are like pyramids, like vintage Madonna bras, like warning triangles.

Perhaps it runs in the family. In a romantic speech my dad made to my mom on her 60th birthday, he said "Your eyes are like pokers".

I accepted the news of my cones with what little dignity I could find within me.

Then I turned the verdict into a promise: If I can't have surgery, that means I must extend my collection of glasses.

But cash flow is low.
What would you rather spend money on?

These all cost about the same:

Artisan

Bike

Glasses

Trip to New York

love
-e

The one thing that makes me proud

2007-01-16T00:08:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, as an American, you probably think Scandinavians stick to Swedish fish when it comes to candy. You could not be more wrong.
We invented the Never Stop. Do you dare try it? You might never stop eating. I often have them for breakfast with coffee. By dinnertime, I'm still nibbling.

That's all for now.
-e

Oh Sandra

2007-01-16T00:06:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, Do you have any idea where Sandra Oh found this dress? I really like it.
Love
-e

The smells and visions of my life

2007-01-15T01:09:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, what are you watching and how are you smelling?

I saw your somewhat new Violet scent and was struck with that familiar got to have it-feeling.
I don't know how you do it. I see a scentless image on a screen and feel I must smell like that.

I have a small wardrobe of scents. It includes Jil Sander No4 and Laura Mercier Eau de Lune.

But most days I wish I smelled like coffee and dark chocolate. And a little tobacco. Is that how you smell? I wouldn't be surprised.

My man works in London during the week and spends weekends with us in Stockholm. When he's home, we play with the kids, cook and then, while the kids are sleeping, watch Rome or Studio 60.

Last night I had a strange dream. I dreamed that Sorkin had made Rome. The tempo was so fast and the senators and legionnaires were speedtalking and speedwalking, sending slaves back and forth with important notes tattooed into their skulls. Matthew Perry played Cesar in a pranksterous kind of way. When stabbed to death by Brutus and other close friends, Cesar quipped his famous line "Kai su, teknon", then added "I suppose that's Greek to you. "

What should I watch now, when I've seen every episode of Rome and Studio 60? I want more Amanda Peet. But since she's about to have her baby, I'll have to settle for soemthing else. Dirt any good?

love
-e

Another Swedish Anatomy lesson

2007-01-12T00:22:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, it's been a while since I last taught you weird Swedish words for various body parts. I thought I'd bring up some more. For instance, did you know that gums are called "Tandkött" in Swedish? Tooth-meat. Yummy.

Have you ever been complimented on your cute cuticles? In Sweden, we have nagelband. Nail bands. Play it for us, nails!

It may be a little confusing for Anglophile immigrants that we refer to each ankle as a "vrist". I hear in the States, the vrist is located closer to your arm.

But none of these are as interesting as the genital area. Swedish men come equipped with a penis and a "pung". You call it scrotum, we call it purse. Cause after all, that's where you keep your valuables. It's a medieval word for purse though, the kind that's a small bag where you keep your golden coins.

English speaking men have glans. Swedish speaking men have "ollon" - acorns. I assume Swedish men want to convey the nibbly quality of their privates. You anglos missed the train. Or perhaps you just placed the nibbly interest in nuts in your purses.

Quite close to the purse and acorn, you'll be happy to find the "stjärt"- the ass. The same for men and women. But ladies also have a stjärt in front. Some prudish Swedes don't like to refer to the female genitals by their real names. Instead, they call it "framstjärt". Frontal ass. As in "sure you washed your frontal ass properly, dear?". We Swedish ladies have more asses than the rest of you. But we're happy to share.

That's all for today. Come back for another language lesson another day.

-Miss E.

Why?

2007-01-11T02:58:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, yesterday I found this "Go Sweden" potty.
How many people were involved in thinking it was a great idea?
The designer, the pottery people, the store people who sold it.

They all thought "Let's make and sell a "Go Sweden"-potty".

Why?
How does going number one or two help our nation?

cluelessly yours
-e

The Shirley Temple effect

2007-01-09T02:35:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, did you ever ween a baby off the bottle? No?
I am currently helping Joel kick his formula habit. It's not easy. I've tried everything. I think you'll believe I have when you hear that so far, the only thing that soothes the recovering addict is spending endless hours (before dawn) watching Shirley Temple clips on YouTube.

Vanja wakes up after dawn, but now she's into Shirley too.
We're moving to London for four months in two weeks. Vanja doesn't know any English. What little she learned in India is long forgotten.

But thanks to the weening soundtrack, Vanja has now equipped herself with an English vocabulary. We'll just have to wait and see how far "Animal crackers in my soup" takes her in London.

Any essential words or phrases I should try to teach her now?
Like "Do you have that in a size T4?" or "Dry-clean only"?

love
-e

What I've always dreamed of

2007-01-08T01:42:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, do you share my dream? Would you also love to become a rockabilly matador?
Should I buy this dress? Bidding is over in 3 days. It's already $355. At what price wearable success?

love
-e

Fast Poll from this blogger

2007-01-07T15:55:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, avert your eyes. Dear readers, which LTMJ-blog entries have you enjoyed the most?
Since October, 2005?

I need to know, but can't tell you why just yet.

secretely yours
-e

Courtney and me

2007-01-07T14:15:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, did you see Courtney Love's list of New Year's resolutions? I was stunned when I saw how many of her promises coincided with my own. my comments in red. what courtney resolutions do you embrace? Or do you simply embrace the lady herself?

* Have a happy satisfied child and family
YES
* sell the pony get a new horse
Pet pony.
* try this "thin" anthropoligical experiment — get to my goal weight healthily and stay there. YES. (Did not know this was anthropoligical.)
* cahnt for the war in Iraq to cease asap
YES
* chant for Hillary to win
YES
* learn an asian language
Sumimasen, wakarimasen.
* dont peek at tabloids and bad websites, as it absouloutly shatters the Law to make that cause agiants yourself.
Work hard to understand the above sentence.
* have fantastic sex with commitment and honour with someone whoo treats me as i deserve and dont give my power away
Settle for "fantastic sex".
* DO NOT SLLOW MYSELF TO BE A DOORMAT INA RELATIONSHIP EVER EVER AGAIN
Buy new doormat.
* hopefully start another family someday — soon. meet that guy
Chant for Courtney Love to find love.
* know that Kurts spirit is tended to and tend to it daily
Tend to spirits. Drink them with caution. Daily.
* LEARN TO DRIVE
Dare to drive.
* STOP SMOKING GO TO HYPNI THERAPY AND JUST DAMM WELL STOP
quit using capitals when promising stuff not even I believe I will success at
* another year, another year without even wine no matter how hard i try to justify that "wines okay" knw that is the demon voice and put it out of my thoughts

but a little jesus juice should be fine.

* dont go to nightclubs with 19 year olds
if only for once, go to a nightclub with a 19 year old

* stay pissed off at the world for song usage
Sing more. Though the sound may piss off world.

* no more surgery for any reason other than medical until i really need it in my 60s
Have bolt screwed into upper jaw to secure dental implant. Tell little children the bolt is proof that I am half woman, half robot.

For the love of art

2007-01-06T13:22:00.001-08:00

Contest winners

2007-01-06T12:41:00.000-08:00

Thank you all contestants!

I'm happy to announce that the winners are

Dr "show up your bobbies" Denis

and

Elaine "The chocolate smuggling scheme"

Please let me know who you want the personalized poem for and what you'd like it to be about.
mail me at emi@lovegun.net

New contest will soon be announced. Like tomorrow. It will be fashion oriented. Oh la la.

Playing with food

2007-01-06T12:31:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, does it ever happen to you that your dinner companion turns quiet for a while...

...and then he or she looks at you and says
"hey, look what I made" and then present you with something like
this:

It happened to me today.

love
-e

Contest!

2007-01-05T06:09:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, exactly what is going on in this picture? Is Jane demonstrating the benefits of spray tanning? Is she trying to prove you get the same color no matter what age? Is she saying her hands are as smooth as Lindsay's cleavage?

If you or anyone else has a good explanation, write it in the comments section.
Best entry will be rewarded with a personalized poem and maybe something more.

love
-e, scribe on demand

In the defense of shopping

2007-01-02T14:05:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, as an international man of fashion, do people ever comment on what you're wearing? Or are you such an authority on the matter that no one dare to say anything, regardless what you’re wearing? Do you test your entourage?

People have no trouble commenting on my dressing.

”Is that a new velvet raspberry beret or a terry toilet seat cover?”

or

”You look great until one sees your shoes. Go change”.

or

”That would be a great look. If your goal is to channel LaToya”.

A loved friend of mine is surrounded by other truth sayers. Wearing her new, beautiful, black 60’s A-line dress, she was told she looked like Robin Hood in drag.

Perhaps the reason why I’m interested in your clothes and shoes is because they would offer a refuge from caustic remarks.

I’m not vain or superficial, I’m just asking for a more dignified existence.

Those two last lines are lies I tell myself when I feel like going shopping.

Tell me your lies.

Love

-e

ps. Yes, that top picture is me, in one of those classic female "I have nothing to wear"-moments. When faced with such a situation I often hide my body behind a gnome-shaped silhouette. Notice the desperate expression on my face. It's called "fashion emergency" for a reason.

Rehash bash.

2007-01-01T15:33:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc,
New Year's came and went, it was delightful. I wore a black suit, curly 70's hair and had shoe problems. I wore heels because I like to tower over small children. Especially against a backdrop of fireworks. After 2 hours, the pain was untolerable and I changed to Stan Smiths and shared the other children's height and view.

The food was delicious, the company great. Right now, however, I have a deadline and can't write you like I'd like to. Read this instead. It's from a year ago, but I feel exactly the same and it's new yearsy.

love
-e

New Year - No Thanks.

2006-12-31T06:08:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, how are you and what are you doing today, on this day, the worst day of the year?
I'm conservative (though not politically). I don't like change. I don't see the need to change year. Why not just keep counting the days?
2007. No sir, I don't like it.

My New Year's have always been marked by anxiety, cold, a broken heart, too little to eat and too much to drink.

I hate New Year's.
Yours, in curlers and tears

-e
ps. Feel free to let me know about all your amazing plans for New Year's. I like to wallow in a misery fueled by self-pity and jealousy. Then in the end, I come to my senses and give money to people who have more to worry about than being cold as the clock strikes 12. Vanity. It's the fastest route to charity.

Funny or sexy - you decide! 2

2006-12-29T15:34:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, how about this little thing from Jovovich-Hawk!
I think it's funny, but perhaps you find it sexy?
At €179.84, it's almost expensive enough to stop me from wondering what to do when nature calls. Perhaps a small catheter is included, free of charge.

I like Jovovich Hawk.
But this item I shall pass on.

love
-e

The SOMA article

2006-12-29T01:27:00.000-08:00

Click on image for larger pic. Thanks Kristin!
From SOMA mag, Nov 06.

In that Holiday Spirit

2006-12-28T11:55:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, I hope your holiday was amazing, if you had one, where ever you were, who ever with and how ever you spent it.

We celebrated Christmas at home our own way, the way we've turned into tradition for the past 6 years. First we take a long walk, then we eat Italian food and drink red wine and give each other new houses, ties and books. (see A putting on a tie above, it was a very formal feeling for both of us, with the tie being such an absurd item of clothing).

This year, I did a man swap. I gave away Susur and received Mr Latte. I was happy with my gifts, but what I really wished for was this boat:

and this house:

(3rd wish: to turn into Angelina Jolie and stop being so materialistic.)

Then, we danced a little around the balding angels of our Christmas tree.

And suddenly it was all over. Vanja asked where the Christmas trees go after the holidays. At the stables, we saw horses happily chowing down spruce after spruce. I didn't know it was a delicacy. I'm shocked, because as a descendant of vikings and poor farmers, I'm sure my people must have been clued in about this.

With Christmas over and done with, I'm looking forward to the new year. This year, I'm making big resolutions. I'm not quitting anything but have secret plans.

What are your promises and hopes for the next year?

love
-e

To Russia, with love

2006-12-24T00:51:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, I'm just back from 33 hours in Russia. I've just finished listening to my Anna Karenina audiobook and I have that empty feeling you have when you've finished a book you don't want to end. In this case, 33 hours might seem like it almost didn't.

It's such a great soap. With a mix of infidelity, intrigues, death, existentialism, romance and fashion. It deals with problems we still have, and some that are lost in history. Like being a little embarrassed cause your horses don't match each other when you take your caleche downtown. It never gets old.

His wife (top left) is my hero. Another day I will tell you why. Right now must go read Patricia Volk's Stuffed. It's Christmas. All I want to do is read, eat, and read about food.

love
e

For your mother or aunt

2006-12-22T01:29:00.000-08:00

The icon with delighted off-spring, now co-author.

Dear Marc, have you seen all those lovely ladies in their 60's, wearing pants a little on the short side, strutting about with short dark hair, flats and boat neck sweaters?

In wintertime, they invariably shift to romantic coats or voluminous capes, sometimes with a little fur lining (faux or real). I've seen them walking the winter streets in groups, like a school of manta rays with the fabric floating around them in the air.

I love these ladies, and if you ask yourself where they get their fashion sense, let me enlighten you. These ladies were impressionable teens when Audrey Hepburn rose to stardom. She is forever their guru and shining star. No matter that the ladies I'm talking about are no longer 18 year old skinny skinny dancers. They're pushing 60, sometimes 65 or 70, but they know a style they love and for the love of God, they will wear it. And they should.

This is what to give them for the Holidays.

love
-e

For the grumps in your life

2006-12-22T01:05:00.000-08:00

Don't know what to give to the unhappy people in your life?
How about The Malcontents? It's not a subtle gift, but it's enjoyable even for happy people.

-e

What have you done for you lately

2006-12-21T06:22:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, in the process of buying holiday gifts, what have you bought for yourself so far?
I was over at my mom's yesterday, she showed me a gift she had bought for herself.
It was the book above, a joy to browse.
It even included cuts from Vionnets creations, making them seem accessible, only one step away from one's own closet.

It's something to wish for. Or secretely buy for one self. Just remember to act surprised when you open it. You don't want to spoil the joy of the giver, now do you.

love
-e

History mystery

2006-12-20T14:21:00.000-08:00

Dear Marc, did you ever visit your local pharmacy and come across a cupboard filled with old medicine jars?

And if so, did you take a closer look at the jars?
Did you see a jar like this one? What would they have used this for?

The past intrigues me so!
love
-e